"Just keep swimming"

Today feels like another little rip of the band aid. I was thinking after having made it through last week, that I would do better this week. Leaving would be easier. I would be "used to it." While I would like to claim it was, it isn't. I didn't cry this morning driving away and I didn't cry while driving to work. I was determined to be strong because this is our new normal. This is what we have to do. I have to be OK with that. Accept it. Embrace it. Live it. I guess it just takes time. However, in my little brain I wanted to snap my fingers and it all be OK.

I'll admit that today is worlds easier than last week. So I guess I am adjusting. It still hurts though. I feel a bit weak today and I'm guessing it is because the weekend is over. I had 2 whole days with her and now I'm back to being away for 11 hours.

I guess it gets easier in one way but not in another. It's gets easier to drive away, but it's not any easier to be away from her. It's like a dull throb in my chest until I get home to her. Maybe that's the way it will always be.

The love I feel for my child is immense. The love and adoration I have when I look at her is almost indescribable. Having a child really does change you as a person. Your life. Your perspectives. It's all different in the best way possible.

I feel so unbelievably blessed in my life. I am married to a wonderful man and father. He really is my soul mate. He's the calm to my crazy and the confidence to my worry. He is my rock in this life and I love him more than words could express. I thank God every day for blessing me with this man who loves me, loves our daughter, supports me, and comforts me. I've always thought I'd done something really good to deserve such a man like him. Then we had a daughter together and I really can't imagine what I've done so great to deserve not only a wonderful husband, but a wonderful and beautiful daughter as well. I thank God every day for my blessings and promise to do right by the both of them. To love them as they love me. My heart swells with love for my family.

I know we're doing what's best for our family. I'm confident in that. I know in my heart that it's right, although it's hard. Every day is a baby step. Each day will get a bit better and soon it will all be normal. I will miss her, but perhaps it won't hurt so much. I already know tomorrow will be better because I got through today. Plus I get the best rewards when I get home. Warm, comforting hugs from my husband plus a sweet kiss :) then smiles and snuggles from my sweet little girl. They make everything worth it. They make life amazing.

In the words of Dory...

"Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."